Soul Talk and Psychic Advice

Stop Letting Comparison Steal Your Joy

• Dr. Donna • Season 1 • Episode 18

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Ever catch yourself measuring your life against someone else’s highlight reel and feeling that sting of “I’m behind”? Dr. Donna takes a scalpel to comparison and shows why it isn’t vanity or pettiness—it’s a survival response forged by inconsistent love and early uncertainty. When our bodies don’t trust belonging, they scan the room for proof by ranking our progress against someone else’s outcomes. That habit floods the nervous system, fuels jealousy and resentment, and quietly erodes confidence and purpose.

We walk through the real mechanics of comparison: how it triggers sympathetic arousal and, later, collapse; why envy is a wound asking for attention; and how anger can be a boundary alarm, not a moral failure. From money myths and “playing small” to doom scrolling and hidden competition within relationships, we call out the patterns that keep you stuck. Then we rebuild with a three-part toolkit—somatic, psychological, and spiritual—so you can reclaim your attention, protect your nervous system, and move with honest momentum.

You’ll learn a grounding practice to ask your body what it fears won’t happen, a simple naming exercise to disarm hard feelings, and a set of reframes to bless what you want instead of resenting it. We anchor in spiritual timing—no two souls share the same contract or season—and explore why getting what you want too soon can implode without boundaries and inner infrastructure. If it exists for them, it’s possible for you, and the shortest path is one small aligned step today.

Ready to stop leaking energy into other people’s lives and come home to your own? Press play, save the guided script, and share this with someone who needs to hear they are not behind. If this resonated, subscribe, leave a review, and tell us: what will you try first?

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SPEAKER_00:

Hello, it's Dr. Donna, and welcome to another episode of my podcast, Soul Talk and Psychic Advice. Today I want to talk about comparison. You know how they say comparison is a thief of joy? Because comparison is one of the fastest ways to disconnect from your power, crush your self-worth, and send your nervous system into a spiral of jealousy, sadness, depression, resentment, and even anger. And I've seen a lot of people do it. Um, I've known people to do it. Sadly, some clients may do it, um, reading comments online. People are comparing when they don't even know what's going on behind the scenes, they're comparing somebody else's outcome to their life, and we don't know what to what the person had to do or how much work they had to do to get the success that they have. We don't know, and people will compare beauty, they compare anything and everything. And we're gonna dive deep into this because it's a big issue, and a lot of people aren't happy because they're comparing, they're thinking they're suffering more than other people. You know, we end up in a tunnel that is unhealthy that causes us to spiral, and even people who don't think that they would spiral end up spiraling, and they get into a point of even worse low self-esteem, hurt, anger, jealousy, feeling like the other person doesn't deserve what they have, um, just anything trying to take away from somebody else's happiness, beauty, or success, because they feel inferior to what they're comparing themselves to. So the words part is most people most people don't even realize that they're doing it. Today we're gonna look at comparison through a trauma-informed somatic psychological or spiritual lens, because that's what it is. It's about trauma. And so we're gonna look at it from that angle, not to shame anybody, not to judge anybody. I think at one point we all have fallen trapped to that. You know, I'm lucky because of my work, and I constantly make sure I have a spiritual coach or a therapist. I can pull myself out of things quickly. But some people, if they're not talking to a therapist or getting some type of help, they can't pull themselves out of this quickly, and they can get very depressed and it can be very concerning. So I want you to be able to understand what the nervous system is actually doing and how to stop betraying your spirit by measuring yourself against somebody else's life because that's what you're doing. It's betraying yourself by comparing yourself. We there are no two people who are alike. Even I I know identical twins who live totally separate lives, you know. They're two different people, even though they're sharing DNA, and so we have to stop the comparison. So take a deep breath and put a hand over your heart and and be open to listening. Let's talk truth here. So, why people compare themselves in the first place? Here's the part that no one explains. Comparison is actually a survival response. It's not just about vanity, it's not just about insecurity, but there is insecurity involved, but it's not just about that, it's not just about pettiness. You know, the pettiness will come, you know, when you start comparing and judging and saying they're not all that, but yet you're comparing yourself to them, and so that will come, and like the vanity comes, you know. I see a lot of I mean, what is ugliness, right? I think it's more personality that makes somebody ugly versus looks. And when you see somebody compare themselves to another person's beauty, and there's different types of beauty, different levels, different layers, but it's all beauty, and beauty is subjective. Not everybody agrees on who's beautiful and who isn't. And those are shallow things, but people sit there and compare themselves. The men will compare themselves to other men, and women will compare themselves to other women, and who does she think she is, and she's not all that, and you know, the woman's over there doing nothing, just living her life, you know. So we start projecting when we're comparing because of fear, doubt, insecurities that we have within ourselves. So when you grow up in environments where love is inconsistent, unpredictable, or conditional, you begin scanning the world for clues like, are you enough? And so you start comparing yourself against other people. Am I safe? Because you could feel unsafe in a situation like that. If you are used to inconsistent love or love with conditions, you start wondering if you're worthy. So self-worth does come into it. A lot of people struggle with low self-esteem, low self-worth, insecurities, and a lot of it comes from upbringing, not being brought up with the most security. Even if you have loving parents, maybe they didn't have the tools for those things, you know, to give you full confidence. You know, are you always told work harder, work harder, it was never enough? And so you will probably feel like you're never enough. And so that's where comparison really comes in and becomes a monster in a person's life. And when you wonder if you measure up, you know, measuring up against who, what, why, you know, that's where competition comes in, and and competition I say is only for sports or or you know, some type of contest, but it's not for everyday life, it's not against your co-workers, it's not against your friends, it's not against any of that. You'd be surprised how many people secretly compete with people that they claim to love and care about. So comparison becomes a way to track whether you belong, you know, anywhere in the world. Are you enough? Are you worthy? Your nervous system learned early on that your value depends on how I'm doing compared to everyone else, and that is painful. That is hard, especially if you're suffering. You might believe everybody else is happier and nobody else has worse problems. You know, I I've heard people say that and do that. And it's like, how do we know what's going on in somebody else's life? A lot of people smile who are battling cancer. Some people have eternal illnesses, somehow they find a way to smile and be happy. You know, we don't know anything about somebody else's life, only what we think we see or what they tell us. So comparing yourself isn't just about a flaw, because it isn't a flaw, it's a wound. And wounds speak loudly. And this is why comparison can make you jealous, depressed, and even angry. A lot of people do get angry. You know, I thought, you know, only in the self-help world we really deal with this stuff. But, you know, I I follow Gary V, and you know, he's a big business guy, and you know, he talks about people who compare themselves, and that's why I said, you know what, I it's time to do a podcast on this because I've been dealing with this professionally for 25 years, and in my younger years, I was lucky for the longest I didn't compare myself because when my mother was alive, I overheard her telling my middle sister, you know, there's always someone who's gonna be prettier, smarter, richer, happier, have and have more than you. Stop worrying about it, just be you. And that stayed with me. I wish my mother would have lived longer. She died when I was 12, but that was one wise woman. Oh, she we were poor. She struggled with her own depression and health problems, but she had a wisdom that I still carry to this day, and I hear her when I'm coaching clients and doing readings. That that woman was a baddie, okay? She was a baddie, and she taught me so much. And the only time I started comparing myself is as once she died, and you know, I started suffering because I didn't have good caretakers and stuff, I really felt left out in the world. But, you know, as time went on and I found my strength, I came back to myself. And I remember in school, you know, a lot of people were doing better than me academically, and I just wanted to survive. And, you know, I said, I can't worry about anybody else. I just gotta survive. And that's what I want everybody to get back to. If you ever compared yourself, you don't have time to worry about what somebody else is doing, or if you're better or worse, or less than them. You just gotta take care of yourself and know that that's doing everything right. So comparison activates the nervous system in a way that makes that can feel like danger. Jealousy is a signal of deprivation, but jealousy does make people do awful things. I watch the ID channel, I see what people do in the name of jealousy, and they think if they harm that person or get rid of their person that person, that they won't no longer be jealous. But no, the jealousy does go on to another situation because it's an inside issue, and you can't kill it off. You have to do the work to heal it. So when you compare and feel jealous, it's not because you're a bad person, it's because your brain interprets somebody else's success as a threat. And that we see a lot of that. We accuse people of bragging. It's like people aren't bragging if they did, it ain't bragging. They have the right to be proud of themselves. We have to stop expecting people to play small. I talk a lot about playing small. I've been in situations where people have wanted me to play small, and I'm sure you have been in those situations too. And we should not expect people to play small because we want to stay comfortable and we don't want to be triggered. So it's remembering that you're not a bad person. You're just interpreting somebody else's success as a threat. Why not me? When is it my turn? Why do they have what I want? And I remember I'm gonna share a lot about me because you know, I've lived through some of these things, and I just don't want to be someone telling other people what they need to do. I lived it too. I remember when I got out of medical assisting school, there was a person that I went to school with. She had lost weight and got a good job and got a car and got a nice apartment after living in an awful place. And I was still in the projects, and you know, I I was working on weight loss. I was already skinny, but didn't know it at the time. And you you know, I wanted everything that she had, but instead of being jealous, I I used her as inspiration, and she was my model for what I wanted to become. And that's what I would say do when you see someone that has something that you have, be inspired by them, follow them. Because uh jealousy emerges when your dreams feel out of reach. That's why a lot of times people hate rich people and they call them greedy and awful because a lot of people want to be rich. I remember the first time the lottery was up to like um over a billion dollars. The lines were out the door at almost every store, even the grocery stores. I remember as I was driving around when I lived in Fremont, and I said, you know, everybody kind of wants more money, but you you know, they say being rich is bad and money is bad, but that isn't what it is. That isn't what's going on. They want that wealth for themselves, and so they start condemning people who have it because there's a jealousy there, and so that's what's going on, and so you know it's important to come back home, stop abandoning yourself, reclaim your attention. Comparison steals your focus, and you know, let anger call it back. I I'm gonna do a whole podcast on the gift of anger because anger isn't necessarily bad, it isn't about all violence and rage, it can be an awakening. But I would say come back to yourself and know keep moving forward, your turn will come. Some people may look instant, but behind the scenes they've been working for years to get what they want. People are measuring themselves against somebody else's outcome. We don't know how long somebody worked for something, you know. We just see the outcome and go, I want that. Why do they have it? I should have it, I'm a good person. And remember, it isn't about being a good or bad person, it's about the energy that you put into. It's pouring into what you want to manifest is what gets you what you want. So spiritually, comparison is a lie. No soul has the same path as someone else, no soul has the same contracts as somebody else. We all have different spiritual contracts. No soul has the same timing. Yet comparison tells you you should be where they are, but your soul is saying, I'm right where I need to be. When you compare yourself, you reject the divine timing of your own life. We all have different timing, and yes, some people get things earlier in life and they may even lose it later or keep it or hey, whatever, right? And that is irrelevant. You have your own path, and maybe you had to learn more and grow more to before you get what you want, but you can still have it. So your comparison is telling you you should be where they are, but your soul is saying, I am where I need to be. Don't ignore divine timing. Because if you get something too soon, it's gonna blow up. Haven't you noticed how people win the lottery? They're broke in a couple years because they weren't mature enough for it, they weren't ready for it, they didn't know how to manage money, they didn't have boundaries, they didn't know how to say no, they didn't know how to stop overgiving and people pleasing, and they had trauma that said spin, spin, you'll be happy. So you don't want to get things too soon because it'll blow up. And you disconnect from your destiny, you disconnect from your intuition when you compare, you disconnect from the path that was created specifically for your soul's evolution. Comparison is the fastest way to dim your spiritual gifts because instead of listening inward, you start looking outward, and you got to focus inward in order to evolve. Evolution is an inside job. The somatic impact of comparison. Let's discuss that. Your body reacts to comparison as if you're in danger. It is a sign that your nervous system believes that you're being left behind even when you aren't. That's what's happening. And you can end up getting depressed, which is a total shutdown. Okay, from feeling self-abandoned, you just get depressed, just withdrawn. And comparison often leads to collapse. You scroll online or look at somebody else's life and suddenly feel heavy, numb, sad, hopelessness. That's because comparison whispers, you're behind, you're failing, you're not good enough, you never catch up. Your system goes into a dorsovagal shutdown. Why'd I even bring up the dorsal vagal surface? Me and my notes. Um, that's a whole, you know, big explanation. That's the freeze response, okay? Because it feels like you can't win. Comparison cuts you off from your power, it disconnects you from your life force, it makes you dream, makes your dream feels impossible. And then anger comes. That's the boundary alarm. If comparison makes you irritated or angry, that's not a character flaw, it's a boundary signal. Anger comes up when your energy is leaking outward instead of inward. You're investing more into watching others, measuring yourself, analyzing their lives, treating someone else's wins as a personal attack. That's what ends up happening. So what you have to remember, like when you're scrolling social media and you're seeing highlights of somebody else's life. You know, I follow Gabby, I can't remember her name, but she's married to that guy, Brandon, and he worships the ground that she walks on. And he said that he posted pictures of her, and women were saying, How could she doesn't have makeup on? He's like, She's at home. And this man is obsessed with his family, loves his family, and it was more than likely triggering women who don't feel that loved by their partner or feel ignored by their partner. And so if you're gonna scroll social media, you cannot compare yourself because then it that's how why some people leave negative comments because they're trying to hurt that person because they're hurting. Um, you have to take it for what it is and don't take it too seriously. That's very important because you know what happens as you go through the anger response, your sympathetic nervous system activates. This is the fight-flight part of your body. Your heart rate quickens, your chest tightens, your breath shallows, you get a shallow breathing, your brain goes into self-criticism, and then your cortisol rises. Great, stress yourself out, you can even gain weight, have some health problems. Your body literally produces more stress hormones because it interprets comparison as a threat to belonging. You leave your body, you become out of your body, you're not yourself. Comparison pulls you into your head, overthinking, obsessing, replaying, judging, criticizing yourself, all the awful things, right? And there are some people who are their own worst critic. It is awful. You lose connection with your intuition because of it, you lose connection with your groundedness, you lose connection with the present moment, and you start forgetting who you are and that you have value right now as you are. Value isn't by being in the public eye or making it, you you know, it's about you being a good solid person to yourself and to the people in your lives. I'm gonna tell you a secret. I'm sure you've heard this before. A lot of people with money just want happiness. They got the money because they worked on something that paid off, or you know, it was supposed to compensate for the happiness they didn't have, and they built something successful, but they just want internal happiness. That's really what people want. And you know, when you really focus on your happiness, everything gets easier, and know that your happiness is an inside job and it's based on you healing. Not based on having more or comparing yourself to other people. So the emotional roots of comparison. Comparison isn't about them. It's about the parts of you that feel unseen. The dreams you're scared won't happen. The wounds that never receive validation. The identity you're trying to grow into. The belief that you have to earn your worth with yourself and with other people. When you compare, you're not actually looking at someone else's life. You're looking at your own fears. You're projecting. But you're looking at your own fears. Comparison says they're ahead of you. The soul says there's no race. Comparison says they're better than you. The soul says you're incomplete. Comparison says you should be farther by now. Your soul says, you're exactly where your healing needs to be. How to stop comparing yourself and come back to yourself, because that's really what you need to do. So we're going to break this down into a somatic psychological and spiritual practice. To help you drop back into your body. Comparison lose in the mind. Healing happens in the body. Place your hand over your heart and belly, one hand over your heart and one on your belly, and ask, What am I afraid won't happen for me? Let your body answer. It always knows. You know, I remember when my son died, I really need to take my healing time. I still did readings of stuff, and that was great. And you know, I was busy with that, but I put off a lot of things. And I'm glad that I did because I was not in a good place, you know, to be doing what I'm doing now. And I have more of a complete testimony and story now. And I think that's something to remember. Sometimes we need more testimony, we need more wisdom, we need more healing time. And if you can remember that, you'd be okay. Now I want you to name the emotion under the comparison. Is it jealousy? Is it fear? Is it sadness? Is it anger? Is it hopelessness? Name the emotion that's dis and disarm it. Ignoring it amplifies it. Don't run from your feelings, don't be embarrassed, don't be ashamed. Face it head on. Redirect your energy inward. Every time your mind wanders into someone else's life, gently pull your energy back. My life is here. My timing is divine. I don't need their path. I have my own. Do that. Bless what you see instead of resenting it. This is a powerful spiritual rewire. Thank you for showing me what's possible. Think of it that way. That's why they tell people who are successful to tell your story. Because it helps someone to say, okay, you can recover. You can you can survive despite. That's why we love inspirational stories, right? See it as inspiration, not as a threat, not as comparison, not as jealousy. If it exists for them, it's available for me, right? The universe is constantly expanding to accommodate all of us. The universe would not allow 8 billion people to exist on the planet without them having some type of potential. We all have potential. Blessing breaks the frequency of jealousy. Bless other person. Take aligned actions instead of self-attack. Ask yourself, what is one small thing I can do today that supports my path? One step, just one. Momentum dissolves comparison. Start doing it. Don't get caught up in I can't, it doesn't work for me because then you hurt yourself. Take one step. Limit your exposure to comparison triggers. You know, some seasons require boundaries. Unfollow someone if you're triggered. Mute them, pause them, step back, refocus. Just step away from it if you're too triggered. Protect your nervousness in the way you protect a healing wound. Okay? So a somatic refrain for freedom. Let's do this together. Sit back. Place your feet on the floor. Let your body soften. Repeat slowly. I release the need to compare. I release the belief that I am behind because you're not. I release the fear that there is not enough for me. Because the universe is constantly expanding to accommodate all of us. I honor my own timeline. Yes, do that. I honor my own spirit. Do that. I honor my own healing. Do that. My path is sacred. My timing is divine. I am not in competition with anyone. Feel that settle in your chest. Your nervous system responds to truth. Now I can talk all day about this topic because I see it and it's just sad. And yeah, you know, if people collect comparison and focus inward, they get a lot farther ahead. But if you just see someone rich and go, I want that, how come I don't have that? How come they have that? Uh-uh. You just hurt yourself and you delay what you want. So to all you beautiful souls out there, comparison steals your joy, your creativity, your confidence, and your connection to your purpose. But the moment you return to yourself, your power comes back, your intuition comes back, your hope comes back, your energy comes back. Comparison is not your destiny. Your destiny is your own path, the one designed uniquely for your soul. If today's episode responded, like resonated with you, good. You know, and definitely follow me on social media. Definitely. You know, I'm on Facebook, Instagram, um, YouTube. I I post my podcast to YouTube also. And so follow me. And remember, you are incomparable, you are irreplaceable, and you are on your time. So next time, until next time, thank you for listening. I see you. I have love for you. I do, I I love my clients. I I have love, that's just how I am, and your healing matters.