Soul Talk and Psychic Advice

Why Impulsively Blocking Someone You Care About Backfires and How to Heal

• Dr. Donna • Season 1 • Episode 19

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Ever hit block to feel safe, only to miss them hours later and spiral into shame and second-guessing? We go straight into the psychology and physiology behind impulsive blocking, why it delivers a sugar rush of control, and how it quietly trains your relationship to be unstable. Drawing on 25 years of coaching and psychic insight, I explain how trauma urgency narrows choices, why all-or-nothing thinking shows up in love, and how mixed signals around boundaries confuse partners who are trying to respect consent.

We break down the block–unblock loop step by step—trigger, relief, longing, shame—and show how it damages trust even when your intention is protection. Then we replace reflex with skill. You’ll learn a simple 24-hour pause ritual, how to name the real emotion beneath anger, and how to separate old wounds from present facts. I share practical scripts that keep connection intact while you regulate: I’m overwhelmed and need time to settle. Can we revisit this later? Plus a toolkit of somatic practices—15-minute walks, slow exhales with hand-to-heart, gentle shaking, and tapping—that calm the body so your mind can choose wisely.

If tech has made your thumb the most reactive part of your relationship, this conversation is your reset. We talk about building emotional tolerance, healing attachment wounds, and creating predictable communication that invites repair instead of rupture. You’re not toxic; you’re triggered—and that can change. Listen to learn how to trade survival mode for safety, blocks for boundaries, and instant reactions for lasting intimacy. If this resonated, share it with a friend, subscribe for more grounded guidance, and leave a review to help others find the show.

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SPEAKER_00:

Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of my podcast, Soul Talk and Psychic Advice. My name is Dr. Donna, and I talk about everything on my podcast because there's so much I want to share. I've learned so much over the 25 years, and I feel very blessed to be called to be a psychic and to get into coaching and to expand my world. I'm constantly learning, and sometimes I share topics from what I've learned through work, or if I see an interesting topic on social media, I will discuss it. I have a few coming up. But today I want to talk about something that I see a lot that I wish people didn't do. Let's talk about impulsively blocking people, cutting people off, or telling them to go F off, even when deep down you still want them in your life. Now I get it. We all have someone in our life who has frustrated us, upset us, you know, and we've just had enough. We love them, but we've had enough. And often I'm relating this to a romantic partner because usually I hear this about romantic partners, and people think if they block the person or cut them off, they're having some sort of control and they won't hurt as much because they feel like they took their power back by blocking them and they think that they really cut the cord, but it doesn't really cut the cord. It looks like it does, but it does not. And so when you block them, they're taking it that you don't want to speak to them. And you know it's interesting because we preach no means no, and when someone says no, respect it, or you're breaking their boundary, and especially we teach no means no when a woman says no, right? Or when a kid says no. And here we are asking someone to not obey that no and to bypass that and to contact us when we say don't, you know, and where I don't do these things anymore. If I cut someone off, it's because I'm really done and I've thought about it and I've been reasonable and I realize it's time to end this connection, whether it's a friendship, romantic partner, family member, whatever. But I will say us for the sake of this podcast, because I have been there in my younger years. I'm now 55 and I'm not doing it, but some people do it when they're older, because we don't know how to deal with the emotions. And the problem is that you you know, if you want someone to contact you after you block them, you're making it kind of hard. You're closing the energy gap, you're closing the door, and the door is still shut. And so you're hoping that they call you from a different number or show up at your house. You're hoping for them to disrespect your boundary and come talk to you, and you see that it's validation, that they care, that they're willing to try. But you see how it's confusing if we say no means no, but then in this case it means yes, and you you know, so it creates a mess. And so let's dive into this. If this is you, you know, blocking people impulsively, don't judge yourself. This behavior is not because you're traumatic or immature. It may look that way, but no, it's bigger than that. It's not because you're too emotional. That's not it either. It may look that way to some people, even the person you blocked, right? They may call you drama or toxic, but it's actually a trauma response. Specifically a mix of fight, flight, and fond patterns, and your nervous system all together. It's a lot of emotions going on, and it's almost survival for some people. It's a form of survival to do these things because people are trying to, you know, control their emotions and not hurt and not be upset, and you want the person to take you seriously. And how many times have I heard someone say, Well, are they taking me seriously? And it's like, well, no, because they've been through this with you before. Some people block off and on, right? They block, they unblock. You know, um, I remember years ago I I tried just saying, let's just take a break from each other. So when you take a break, that's a good way to handle it, and you agree to that, okay. And if you block within that time frame, that's fine, but commit to unblocking when the break is supposed to be up. But if you're just blocking and you're having an emotional reaction, it's a trauma response. And so in this episode, we're gonna talk about why people do this impulsively, why people block or push away people they still care about, how trauma wires the brain for all or nothing thinking, how to stop this pattern before it ruins the relationship, because you can go too far. I've seen that happen too, where the person is just like, I'm done, I can't do this anymore. And how to heal the emotional wound beneath these reactions, and how to respond with safety instead of survival. This is gonna be deep, it's gonna be honest, hopefully transformative. Take a deep breath in and let's begin. Just be open to listening to this and and see how it can help you if you're an impulsive blocker. So, what impulsive behavior really is. Impulsiveness isn't about lack of discipline, it isn't about being crazy, it isn't about being unstable, it really isn't because a lot of stable people do this too when they've had enough, right? Impulsiveness in the body, it it is the body trying to regulate itself through action. When you feel overwhelmed, you know, and you just can't handle it anymore, or triggered, or if you're feeling rejected or misunderstood, abandoned, criticized, or emotionally unsafe, your nervous system tries to regain control fast. So it reacts impulsively, it blocks, deletes, it cuts off, it curses out the person, runs away, shuts down, frees. You know why? Because impulsive behavior gives temporary relief. That's why people do it. Because they're trying to feel like they have control and they're trying to feel stable. So it gives you a momentary sense of power. You feel like, hey, I'm in charge. I set this person straight. They're gonna have to respect me now. Enough of this. Um, safety, you feel safe because you decide when to talk to them and when not. Control, yes, because we often all want some form of control in our lives and what's happening to us. Protection, yeah, it goes back to feeling safety, right? You you feel like you protected yourself. And emotional release, yes, because it's just like, oh, I've locked them. I get a break from all the crazy. But the relief doesn't last, it really doesn't. Once the nervous system settles, you might feel regret and people do. This is what I hear from people and I try to help them out, and I tell them, you know what, a lot of us have been there, so let's try to fix this thing. And sometimes I hate when I say, you know, you're gonna have to be the one to contact. And they're like, Darn, I really don't want to. I said, but think about it. And I try to show them the reason why in their situation, why they have to fix it if they blocked. They're like, Oh god, I hate it. And they go, Is there any chance? And I read it psychically, and it's like, oh, there's no chance of this person contacting because they're scared, you know. So when this happens, you might feel regret, shame, confusion, or the longing for the connection again. It often does when we block someone or tell them to kiss off, if it isn't well thought out over time, you will have regret. I've seen that a lot. You will want the connection back, and so this isn't about your fault, it isn't about blaming you. This is trauma physiology. Your body is trying to protect you, but it's using old survival strategies to do so. Well, let's talk about why trauma creates impulsiveness. When you grew up in environments where you didn't feel emotionally safe, you know, if there was chaos growing up, unpredictability, you just didn't know what's gonna happen next. Things didn't feel stable. Emotional abandonment, you're used to being abandoned, you feel like it's gonna happen again, so you might as well block the person, right? And so that's another thing, another reason, criticism. If you grow up with criticism, inconsistent love, withdrawal, explosive reactions. If you grew up with any of this or the silent treatment, any of this, your nervous system learns to respond fast, not thoughtfully. This creates what I call trauma urgency. That feeling that you must act now or you'll be hurt. So you're trying to prevent further hurt by doing this. This is why people do it, and that feeling that you must act now or you'll be hurt is big. So as an adult, you block people before they can leave you. That's your form of control. I did it first, right? You reject before you can be rejected, you shut down before someone can disappoint you, you lash out so you don't implode, you run so you don't have to feel vulnerable, right? Trying to prevent that. You say things in anger so you don't have to say, I'm afraid. Because often in relationships, people have moments where they're afraid. It's normal. These are wounds, not character flaws. You see what I'm trying to explain and where it comes from? Your inner child is trying to protect you using the only tools that it knows. That's why you're doing it, and that's why I'm talking about this. Remember, I talk about anything and everything to help people. I'm a servant by nature. I serve, I'm a fixer by nature. So this is how I serve and how I try to fix people by helping them, by explaining every aspect of what could come up in their life. So let's talk about the block unblock cycle. Let's talk about a pattern many people live in but never speak about. You block, you cool off, and then you miss them. So you unblock. And then you feel shame. Then you're like, Oh, should I have unblocked them? I miss them. Are they gonna contact? And you're hoping that they contact as quick as you unblock, although how do they know? So you're hoping that they're trying all day long, hoping that you unblock them, and then you just feel the shame and you repeat the cycle of block, cool off, miss them, unblock, feel the shame. And the cycle happens because the trigger activated your trauma response. Blocking gave you instant relief, right? It felt good to do it, instant control, nervous system calm down, and then it gets triggered again. Your attachment system is activated now. You miss the person. Shame or confusion sets in. You reconnect it until the next trigger. That's how it happens. The cycle is painful for you and for the other person. And I know people who have done this personally, professionally, and it's hard on them because the people I talk to now, you know, I really don't have difficult people that I talk to. Now they're sweet people. But they're in somewhere in this cycle, right? But again, it's a trauma response, a nervous system pattern, not a personality defect at all, so don't feel that way. And yes, it could be healed. It can be healed, absolutely. So let's talk about the real root. Fear. Impulsiveness in relationships always comes down to fear, fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, fear of being judged, fear of being too much, fear of vulnerability, fear of losing control. People fear losing themselves in relationships, fear of being hurt again. If you've been hurt in the past, you're gonna do you want a relationship right, but you're gonna do everything in your power not to get hurt again. When fear rises, the brain switches into survival mode and asks, How do I protect myself right now? That's what it does. And survival mode does not think long term, it doesn't care about the relationship when you're in survival mode. Survival mode doesn't care about consequences. That's why people end up blocking, then it's like later there's consequences. Ooh, don't send harsh text messages, but people do, and they send a handful of them. Emotional withdrawal, just wanting to shut down. And these behaviors don't come from anger, they come from fear. And until the fear is healed, the impulse will keep repeating. Again, until the fear is healed, the impulse will keep repeating. So what fear do you have? Deal with the fear. How these impulses damage relationships. Let's discuss that. Most people don't realize this, but impulsive reactions create unpredictability. Yeah, it just it makes things worse. Instability, broken trust, confusion, emotional whiplash, walking on eggshells dynamics. When you push someone away, even briefly, it teaches them I'm not safe with you. So when you're blocking people, they don't feel safe with you. Even though you're trying to feel safe, they don't feel safe with you. You might disappear again, you may block me again. I can't be honest with you because there's consequences, right? You block me, you get upset with me. You don't actually want me here. Because if you keep blocking me, it says, I don't want you here. It says leave me alone. That's really what it says. And this undermines intimacy. Relationships need consistency. You have to be consistent in a relationship for it to be good, for it to be healthy, for it to work, but you have to know how. And if you find yourself triggered all the time, it's time to go to counseling. Nothing wrong with that. Everybody needs counseling at one time or another, none of us are doing it perfectly. And so relationships need safety, but you can't be safe unless you're consistent, and you need predictable communication, you need repair and honesty. Impulsiveness makes all of that nearly impossible unless healing happens. You have to heal. You have to. How to stop the pattern? Here's a healing part. The part that brings hope. This pattern is fixable, very much so. Create a pause ritual. Before reacting, try this. Stop. Breathe. Just breathe. Take a deep breath. Feel. Feel what you need to feel about the situation. And wait 24 hours. If people wait 24 hours, they keep themselves out of a lot of stuff, out of a lot of messes. A pause interrupts the trauma response. Name the real emotion. Usually it's not anger, it's I feel rejected. I feel scared. I feel abandoned. I feel misunderstood. That's really what it is. It's not anger. Naming the emotion takes power away from the impulse. Trauma reactions are stored physically, not mentally. Remember, trauma lives in the body. Read the book, the body keeps the score. Always forget who the author is, but it's a well-known book. You'll find it. So try walking. Go for a walk. 15-minute walk calms us down. It grounds us. Even if you gotta walk around your house, you know, just walk. Just breathe. Make sure you're breathing deeply. Do the shaking exercise. You can look these things up. Do tapping, EFT. Just tap on the points, even if you don't know what to say. Um, hand over the heart. Do a slow exhale. And when the body calms, the mind calms. Separate triggers from truth. Your trigger says this person is a threat. But the truth may be um activated because the mind, this reminds me of past hurt. Okay, that's what it is. You're activated because you're really reacting from from a past hurt versus the current situation. You're like, oh no, I ain't getting hurt again. So you block. Communicate instead of cutting off. That's important. Communicate instead of cutting off. You could say I'm feeling overwhelmed. I need time to regulate. This triggered me. Can we talk about it later? It's okay to say you're triggered. I I admit when I get triggers, I still get triggers, and I do a lot of somatic healing. I don't get triggered as much, but it happens. You know, even us who do a lot of healing and therapy get triggered, it happens. And you can also say I care about you, I just need space to calm down. Healthy people will respect this. Work on the attachment wound. This is deeper healing. Attachment wounds create impulsive reactions. Healing them creates secure connection. Build emotional tolerance. Learn how to sit with discomfort without reacting. Right? Sometimes we have to learn to be uncomfortable and sit with the emotions. You know, we're taught so much to feel good and to avoid emotions, and if you feel bad, that's negative. It's not negative, it's a validation of what you're feeling. And this is how you have real transformation if you could do these things by building emotional tolerance. Just learn how to sit with the comfort without reacting. And so let's talk about a nice somatic practice to break impulsivity. Let's do it. Let's start with a grounding exercise. Place one hand over your heart and one on your belly. Breathe in slowly. Exhale gently. Say softly. I am safe. I do not need to react right now. I can come back to this with clarity. I choose connection over impulsiveness. I choose healing over fear. Feel the wave of emotion soften. It will soften. Keep on repeating this. This is how you rewrite your nervous system. It's so important. You know, a lot of times the people that we care about the most, if we feel hurt, feel any hurt by them at all, we have pushed them away because we're like, I never expected you to hurt me, to trigger me or to upset me. But if we have unhealed wounds, we're gonna get triggered. You know, the wounds keep on showing up for us to say, okay, it's time to heal this. That's why showing up, that's why you get triggered, not to torture us, it's to say it's time to heal this. It's time to break free from this pain, to no longer be a prisoner. Um I think most people have blocked someone at one point in their life and regretted it. I think it's something that happens commonly, especially with all this technology, you know, probably prior to cell phones and you know all the different things that you could do on a cell phone blocking someone and putting them on mute or whatever, you couldn't do it. You just didn't answer the main line, right? But I think that modern technology has made us more impulsive, and that's not a good thing. It's hurting us, and so if we could just slow down and do the 24-hour waiting period and don't go, I must do this now. No, that's an impulse based on trauma. There's no need to rush and block someone, you know. Whenever I've cut someone out of my life, it probably took me days, weeks, months sometimes. One time it took a year. I wanted to make sure that it was the right thing. So that I wouldn't be like, oh, I want the relationship back. And that way I didn't have regrets. And I think it's important to move that slow and to really think things through and write it down on a piece of paper. See if there's more pros or cons to the relationship. Instead of just reacting in the moment, because if you're constantly feeling like you need to block this person, look at why. Is it just you being triggered or is it that they're awful? You know, look at it because a lot of times we don't really sit and analyze things, and we're reacting thinking that we're making right decisions when we're not. Because nine times out of ten, if you block someone or you tell them to F off, they might just go F off and never contact you again. So I want you to know this as I close this out. If you push people away when you're scared, if you block people you still love, if you react before thinking, you're not broken, you're not, you're not broken, you're not crazy, you're not toxic, you are wounded. You have wounds to heal, that's all it is, love, and you can heal them. Impulsiveness is a trauma response, not a personality issue. And with awareness, somatic healing, emotional regulation, therapy. Um, you can break this pattern for good. You deserve relationships where you feel safe, you deserve connections that last, you deserve the chance to respond instead of react. That's very important. You deserve that. Thank you for spending time with me discussing this topic. I know it can be awkward and uncomfortable for some people, but it's important. And so hopefully this episode has spoken to you. And feel free to share it. Feel free to listen more than once. Um, take notes on the somatic healing exercise. I'm all about healing. I believe that we can always become more healed versions of ourselves so that we can be kind to ourselves and the people around us and not live a life of regret. We can live a life where we can say, I'm learning. You know the phrase, when you know better, you do better. And so that's what it's about. So definitely think about it and put more effort into making life better and healthier for you. So thank you for listening. See you in the next episode and have an amazing day.