Soul Talk and Psychic Advice

Affirmations Are Great—Until Your Nervous System Says “Nope”: Why Mindset Isn’t Enough and How to Make Change Stick

• Dr. Donna • Season 1 • Episode 21

Share episode

Send us a text

We explore why mindset tools fail when the body is bracing for danger, and how somatic healing restores safety so change can stick. Personal stories of grief and trauma ground a practical path toward regulation, capacity, and authentic manifesting.

• mindset limits when the nervous system is dysregulated
• trauma as protective patterns, not personal failure
• fight, flight, freeze and fawn shaping behavior
• somatic practices that calm and rewire the body
• why affirmations and manifesting stall under stress
• expanding capacity to receive love, rest and success
• simple daily micro-practices to build safety

Thank you for listening today. I appreciate you. I am honored that you listen to me because I love sharing what I've learned


Support the show

SPEAKER_00:

Welcome back to my podcast, Soul Talk, and Psychic Advice. My name is Dr. Donna. I am a professional psychic on Keen and a somatic grief coach. I love doing my podcast. I didn't realize how much I loved it. At first, I thought I would do videos, but I just I like that I am speaking and I don't have to worry about who's looking, who's out there. I'm an introvert, and so this works for me, and I feel like I could take a long time to explain versus TikToks are short and YouTube. You know, most people are listening anyway versus staring at the phone, and you really don't want to stare at your phone too long because then messes with your vision, right? So I love doing podcasts. And today I want to talk about why mindset alone isn't enough. The missing piece is real healing. And I think that you know people just think I gotta change my thinking, I gotta change my thinking. And if they just can change their mindset, everything will be okay. Well, you know, I've done mindset work on myself, and it used to work real well until my son died, and then I had to learn it all over again under the umbrella of grief, healing from grief. And I work with a lot of people who are very intelligent, loving, kind people. But if you have trauma or doubts or insecurities or don't know your worth yet, it's gonna be hard to just change your mindset. You can read the self-help books, and there's a lot of great self-help books out there. There's a lot of them, right? I I buy them all and I've got a chance to read some of them. They're amazing. But if you haven't done the inner work, it can't work for you. It doesn't mean that their book is malarky or anything like that. You have to go even deeper. You know, you can repeat every affirmation. I love affirmations. They help, you know, but you gotta really do deeper work. You can visualize your dream, but you won't be able to believe it. And you won't even be able to have a complete visualization without doing deeper work. You could do it morning and night and still feel stuck, still feel blocked, and still feel like you're doing everything right, but nothing is changing. So today I'm gonna explain exactly why that happens and what you can do about it. Because the truth is you cannot shift your mind while your body still feels unsafe. That's how I got into somatic healing, because I always knew something was missing, and I didn't know what it was. And you know, I had look I got into different techniques, like uh, you know, best bioenergetic synchronization technique founded by Dr. Mortar, a chiropractor. He has since passed away, but he left a wonderful legacy. I have done Reiki, I've done all these different techniques because I knew they were helping. And I knew that there was something deeper going on. I had experienced a lot of trauma after my mother's death. And yeah, there was poverty trauma when she was alive, but she's a loving nurture woman. And then when she passes, I didn't have that same love and care from my caretakers. So it created a lot of trauma. And then I became a teen mom and raised my son, and that was hard moments there, but you know, having him helped me to propel forward and get therapy and and do better, and then he passes, right? So I've been through a lot, and I've I attract clients who have been through a lot. And what I would say is that if you don't go inside of yourself and reach into yourself, and it may be uncomfortable and painful at times, trust me, I know, and nobody wants to feel pain. We have the society that's addicted to feeling good all the time, and it's harming us, you know. If and now we're starting to get more into you gotta talk about your trauma and abuse and narcissism and everything, and so that's how I landed in somatic healing because I was doing my coaching, doing my talks, and you know, when I was in an office, I can do techniques on people, but when I didn't have an office, I said, What can I offer? And so somatic work has really played a role. It's and with a somatic healing, it's it's based on, you know, the body keeps the score, trauma lives in the body, not just the mind. And, you know, if you can work on the body, you can get the person to speak. Sometimes people can't even speak about what they've gone through because it's so traumatic, and they buried it to survive because if they remembered it, they would probably lose their, you know, they wouldn't be safe, they wouldn't be able to function in the world. So all these survival mechanisms came in. So somatic work could be yoga, breath work, it could be there's several different actual somatic techniques, there's somatic experiencing that is from Dr. Peter Levine. There's a lot of different ways to do somatic healing, and I blend a lot of them because I I take 160 hours every year of training, and you know, on techniques and the terminology, the whole thing. And what I would say is that mindset was something that I seen a lot of people struggle with struggle with. You you know, you can't just say think positive. You you can't bypass like that. We tried that, that doesn't work. You can't say reframe your thoughts and raise your vibration, just choose a better belief. That's all malarky if you haven't healed the inside. And yes, you can do these things as you're healing, and you'll get better at changing your mindset and raising your vibration as you heal. But if you have this heaviness deep within you, where you're probably told that you're not good enough or you never make it or any of those things, it's just not gonna work. So what no one tells you is this your mind cannot override a dysregulated nervous system. We're finally starting to talk about it, but we weren't for a long time. We you know, social media is helpful in that way, right? Because you get all the coaches and therapists and experts out there sharing information. So, but if your body is stuck and fight, flight, freeze, or fawn, you know, I've been stuck in the fawn response. That's kind of like I I like to simplify it and call it like where you're people pleasing or overgiving, and you just become a yes person to prevent trauma. Um, so if you have unprocessed trauma sitting in your chest, your throat, your stomach, guess what? You can't just change your mindset. If your nervous system is constantly bracing for danger, some people are stuck in fight or flight. And if you've been attacked or a victim of crime or rape or something, you're gonna be looking over your shoulder. You you just will because you're trying to stay safe. Even if you are in a safe place, you may not feel safe. The mindset work becomes like putting paint over a cracked foundation. You hear that? When you just do mindset work and you don't heal, it's like just painting over something that's cracked when really you need to put putty in there, right? To fill the holes, and you fill the holes um by doing inner work, doing trauma therapy, doing some medic, doing you know, something to help your soul heal. Because if you heal your soul and your mind, you can heal and you do it through healing your body. It looks like a good moment, but you know, uh you gotta go deeper than just kind of just painting over something that's cracked. Um, trauma creates physiological patterns, shallow breathing, tight muscles, hypervigilance, overthinking, fear of rest. It's not safe to rest. Fear of success. A lot of people are afraid to be successful because of their trauma. Or we see people get successful, they get money and success too fast, and they sabotage it, right? They end up with a news story sometimes, and they sabotage in many ways, even if we don't see it on the news, but we see that with a lot of famous people. Um, people pleasing, self-sabotage is so common. Shutting down the overwhelmed, you do all these things. You know, this is what trauma creates. So these are not mindset problems, these are biological responses. Your brain is not trying to ruin your life, your nervous system is trying to keep you alive. That's what's happening. So when people tell you just think differently or think positive or you're negative, or you know, sometimes they even call you toxic, and we have to stop misusing terms like that. Not everybody's toxic, sometimes they're just need to heal. Um, they're essentially asking you to ignore the alarm bells going off in your body. Yeah, if you just think positive or change your mindset, you're probably ignoring something deeper. Mindset cannot compete with the survival response. Mindset cannot compete with a survival response. If you're in survival, all the affirmations or mindset work in the world will not be able to compete. Just can't. And that's why so many people feel like they're failing when they try to change their thinking. You're not failing, you've got something else going on. That's what it is. So your body controls what your mind can believe. Here's something most people don't know. Your thoughts are downstream from your nervous system. That's what they are. Meaning you don't think your way into safety, you feel your way into safety. Okay, nervous system is number one. Um, and even as chiropractors know that we adjust bones, right? But it's really to affect the nervous system. So everything's about the nervous system. So if your body is tense, your brain will generate fear-based thoughts. If your body is dysregulated, your brain will assume danger. If your body is shallow, your mind will interpret life through a lens of survival. In other words, a dysregulated body creates limiting beliefs. A regulated body creates expansive thoughts. So when you are dysregulated, you're gonna have limiting thoughts and beliefs. You just will, but as you heal, you can expand, you can grow, you can manifest. I teach semantic manifesting, and it's really from the body. I learned that, and I'm gonna do a whole podcast on that. In other words, this is why you can tell yourself, I am safe, I am worthy, I am abundant, and still feel terrified, unworthy, or undeserving. It happens all the time. Your body doesn't believe it yet. And until your body believes it, your manifesting won't land. Your relationships won't change, and your mindset shifts won't stick. Affirmations don't work when your nervous system is in panic mode, it just won't. Manifesting doesn't work when your body is bracing for loss. Hey, if you've been through trauma, you're just waiting for the next bad event to happen. It's normal, right? It's happened, it's traumatic, it may happen again. Confidence doesn't stick when your body remembers being shamed. Your mind wants to evolve, but your body is still holding on to the pain of yesterday. So trauma creates protective mindsets. Let's go another layer deeper. Trauma doesn't just affect the body, it shapes the mindset. As a child or young adult, if you've experienced emotional neglect, which a lot of people have, even in two-parent households, I'm surprised how often I've heard that, seen stories and talk shows and you know, podcasts, and read stuff online. So, not just people that I've worked with, a lot of people have been through that. If you've experienced abuse, abandonment, betrayal, chaos. And let me go back to betrayal. Betrayal is very devastating for people. It sh it shakes up your reality. You're thinking one it's one way and it turns out to be another. That can mess with you, it can make you doubt yourself, not trust people, not trust yourself. It can send you in a spiral. Chaos. Some homes are full of chaos, constantly being judged, lack of affection. We need affection. And affection has turned into a dirty word for some people, but it, you know, just to be cared for. It's not even about touching, it's just knowing that someone cares for you. But if you've had inconsistent support, being the strong one is the worst thing. I've had to be the strong one. And for all of you out there who have had to be the strong one, did you feel like you're breaking inside? But everybody's like, You're strong. Keep on being strong. They don't see you. You're not seen, you're not heard. You just got to be the strong one for everybody else. Keep it all together. If you never been allowed to rest, if you had to grow up too fast to circumstances, you know, after my mother died, I had to grow up too fast. How many of you had to be an adult when you were still a child? If these things have happened to you, then your nervous system formed protective beliefs. Common sense, it forms protective beliefs. It's going to protect you. I'm not being rude when I say common sense, but I'm trying to get it into your mind. So I don't mean to be rude, but I want you to know that you're not a failure or manifesting is crap and affirmations is crap. It's not. It's just healing needs to happen first. The foundation has to be nurtured and worked on first. So, you know, your nervous system formed these beliefs. Now it's saying, I need you to be perfect to be loved. That's where perfectionists come from. The love was not can unconditional for them. It was very conditional. And I remember that in school. I remember, you know, through, you know, undergrad, you know, graduate school, chiropractic school, even in, you know, a little bit in high school. Um, I didn't stay too long in high school. Um I seen those women and they were so hard on themselves and they just needed to be perfect. I'm sure men went through this, but you know, I noticed it about women, and I had no idea why they were like this. Some of them were uppity, right? But they just didn't have the unconditional love, and I wish I could see them, you know, nowadays. If I could see any of them, I would probably hug the hell out of them. You know, sure they're in a better healing space. I'm just gonna assume that. But I would hug them so tight and say, I just thought you were being mean or being tough or judgmental, but I see you now. Um, it's hard to trust anyone. You know, you need to take care of everyone to be safe, right? Your needs don't matter, you shouldn't rest. Success isn't safe. A lot of people don't feel successful being safe, especially if they think people are gonna be jealous of them or they're gonna lose friends. Um, is dangerous to be seen. I don't deserve ease and comfort and money to come easy and life to be easy. People may want it, but they don't always feel like they deserve it. These aren't mindset issues, none of it. These are trauma imprints, okay? Not being able to trust someone or perfectionism or you shouldn't rest, success isn't safe, all of that, right? These are trauma imprints. You didn't choose these beliefs, your body chose them to protect you. Which is why you can't just rethink your way out of them. Your mind didn't create the wound. It didn't. So your mind can't heal it. It can't. Why somatic healing works when mindset doesn't. Somatic healing changes the game because it works within the body. So it works with the body and within it, not against it. Somatic healing. It includes breath work, crowning, shaking, and releasing vagal toning exercises. Vagus nerve is very important with healing trauma. They have proven that. EFT taffing is amazing. I love EFT, somatic tracking, trauma-informed yoga, voice and sound release, nervous system regulation exercises, movement with intention, meditation for body awareness. And you know, even journaling can help too while you're doing these things. And there's there's other stuff. It the list is long, but these are important ways to use somatic healing. These are somatic healing practices. These practices speak the language trauma understands. Sensation. Trauma is stored in sensations, tightness, heat, numbness, stomach knots, panic, heaviness. So healing must also happen through sensations, through movement, breath, and presence. Somatic work signals to the nervous system, you're safe now. You can release this. You don't have to brace anymore. You're allowed to feel. You can trust the present moment. And once the body begins to feel safe, the mind becomes available for clarity, new beliefs, confidence, creativity, hope, and expansion. Mindset finally starts to work when the body stops fighting it. Yes, yes, and and I'm a testament to that. Yeah, you know, I I had to go through all of this. And I'm I'm grateful. Even after all the years of therapy, just doing somatic healing, I seen other things come up, and you you know, it's amazing. I and I got frozen here and there, and I'm like, oh my god. But then you release it, you just feel a freedom and a happiness and a calmness and a peace that everyone deserves. So why you can't manifest while you're dysregulated? Let's talk about manifesting for a moment. People often say, Why can't I manifest despite affirming, journaling, praying? You know, you know, and then they they're like, Okay, if you believe in God, they go, Well, God's not answering my prayers. Does God love me? Why does God favor other people? That isn't what's going on. On, but that's a whole nother podcast for another day. Um, here's why you cannot manifest the life your body feels unsafe receiving, period. Has nothing to do with God. I know we want God to fix all of our problems, but God has given us free will for those who believe in God. If abundance feels unsafe, your body blocks it, period. If love feels unsafe, your body sabotages it, period. Doesn't matter how badly you say you want a relationship, if it feels unsafe, your body will sabotage it. You will do something to sabotage it. If rest feels unsafe, you hustle yourself into burnout because rest is for the weak. And if you're the strong one, you don't rest. You keep it going. If visibility feels unsafe, you'll hide your gifts. You just will. I did. Um, somatic healing expands your capacity to receive. The more you heal, the more you can receive. It teaches your body that you can hold more joy, more support, more connection, more abundance without being harmed. And that is when manifesting begins to accelerate. Yes. Mindset works when you heal the root. That's the only time it works. Trust me, I know. Um, here's a secret most mindset coaches don't talk about. Mindset doesn't shift your trauma. Healing your trauma shifts your mindset. Mindset doesn't shift your trauma. You can't think your trauma away. You can't just use mindset to shift your trauma. Healing your trauma shifts your mindset. You gotta heal it. And so you gotta feel it to heal it. Definitely. So when the body feels safe, affirmation starts working, confidence becomes natural, boundaries feel easier, self-trust strengthens. Your s you stop comparing, you stop overgiving, you stop people pleasing, you stop sabotaging, you feel spiritually connected. Manifesting rises, it becomes easier for you. You feel become a quick manifester. The mind becomes a partner in your healing instead of a battlefield. Somatic healing doesn't replace mindset, it liberates it. That's important. You know, I know a lot of times people in I'm doing a podcast on how people just want to skip the hard part. Because it could feel so bad when we're going through something so tough and so painful. But sometimes we have to sit in it. So sit in it with a therapist, counselor, a coach, someone, but sit in it. Feel the weight of it, feel the heaviness of it so you can liberate yourself. Because at the end of the day, only you can free yourself, only you can make yourself happy, only you can make yourself a powerful co-creator with the universe. Only you can love yourself, and all of us are mirrors. I'm a coach, but I'm a facilitator. I don't even call myself a healer. Some people call themselves a healer, that's fine, that's them. But I facilitate, I hold space for you to heal. I've had to hold space for myself. I can't force healing onto you. You are the person in charge of you. Never forget your power. Even when you feel powerless and you feel like nothing's working, it's working. But be patient with it. I'm 55. I still work on myself. I've been working on myself since I was a teen mom, you know, in my teens, because I had to go to counseling and stuff, right? Because they were gonna take my kid away, and I would have that would have been their worst mistake if they would have tried to take my son away. That's all I'm gonna say. Um plead the fifth on everything else. So I did the counseling, I did whatever, and I've constantly was doing work on myself, and we constantly do it. Don't look like like, don't feel like you're a failure. Don't look at yourself like I should be healed already. There's no such thing. We're we have more layers in an onion. There's so much that we bury to survive. And I've had memories come up lately that I'm like, oh, that happened, but it isn't affecting me the same. You know, it probably was buried for a long time, and now that as I do more and more healing, it's safer for it to come up. And it's like, oh, that happened. Wow, that was probably painful at the time, but it doesn't affect me now. You it starts to feel safe to remember things instead of like you're going backwards or the pain is too much. Take your healing as the most serious thing that you do for yourself. Nothing else matters more than your healing. That's what I say, and I I stand on that. So I want to close this out because as you know, I can talk and talk. If you've been trying to improve your mindset and nothing seems to stick, if you feel like you you're doing the work but still getting overwhelmed, if you feel blocked, stuck, or frustrated, I want you to know this. It's not your fault. None of this is your fault. But you have to fix it. What was done to you, what caused you to get into this space. Your nervous system simply needs support. That's all. Start with tiny somatic practices. Place one hand on your chest and one on your belly. Slow your exhale, you know, just like do these different things. Just holding one hand on your chest and one on your belly and do standard breathing. You don't even have to do a breathing technique. Just breathe, breathe deeper. You know, inhale slowly, exhale slowly. Let your shoulders drop. Stretch gently, sigh into tension. Do five minutes of yoga. Go for a walk. Shake your body, shake it off. That's where that phrase comes from. Shake it off. You know, dancing. Go dancing. Hum, chant, you know, uh to stimulate your your vagus nerve. These micro practices begin rewiring your nervous system for safety. And from that place of safety, your mind can finally rise, your identity can shift, your manifestations can land, they can work. Your healing becomes embodied and real. Mindset matters. It definitely matters, but mindset alone isn't enough. You're not broken. You're healing. You just needed to know what you needed to make things work for you. And your body is ready for this new chapter. Thank you for listening today. I appreciate you. I am honored that you listen to me because I love sharing what I've learned. Thank you and have an amazing day.