What Is a Spiritual Awakening Unpacked

A spiritual awakening can crack you open in the most beautiful ways and in the messiest ways. If you’ve been feeling more sensitive, more raw, less interested in old patterns, or quietly pulled toward solitude, we want you to hear this clearly: nothing is “wrong” with you, and you’re not alone. We walk through what a spiritual awakening really is, why it can feel confusing or overwhelming, and how it often starts after burnout, trauma, illness, heartbreak, or loss.

We also name the parts people don’t talk about enough: the grief for who you had to become to survive, the anger that shows up when spiritual bypassing is all around you, and the relationship shifts that happen when you stop abandoning yourself. We challenge the fantasy that awakening is always blissful or that becoming “spiritual” removes human pain. You can be intuitive and still grieve. You can be healing and still have hard days.

One of the most important takeaways is the connection between awakening and the nervous system. When the body feels unsafe, fear can sound like intuition and hypervigilance can feel psychic. We dig into nervous system regulation, embodiment, and why grounding practices matter if you want clearer perception and steadier choices. You’ll get practical support like rest, journaling, boundaries, gentle movement, time in nature, and reducing overstimulation from social media and constant noise.

If this resonates, subscribe, share it with someone who’s quietly changing, and leave a review so more people can find support when their inner world starts demanding the truth.

Spiritual Awakenings

Transcript

Welcome And The Big Question

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of Soul Talk and Psychic Advice. Today we're going to talk about something that many people experience but often struggle to explain. And people ask me this a lot when you know when I'm doing my work. And that is what is a spiritual awakening? A spiritual awakening can be beautiful, but it's also can be confusing, highly emotional, expansive, isolating, healing, and overwhelming. Sometimes some of these feelings, sometimes all of these feelings. And when it's all at once, it's like, whoa, what's happening here? Why is it happening? I remember I I went through it twice. I went through it when I first got into this work, you know, twenty well before I started professionally, so about twenty six, twenty-seven years ago, and I'm like, why is this happening? I wasn't looking for this. I have plans to be a be a scientist or you know, something more traditional. And this happened while I was in chiropractic school and no one really could explain anything, even other people who are going through it. So we were all just having a hard time. And then I went through it again when I lost my son because I questioned everything. I questioned how shut down people were, how how much spiritual bypassing people were doing. I was very angry and frustrated and you know I isolated at times and lost friends at times, and so I went through a lot. I went through it twice. I feel like we go through it, you know, more than once as we evolve. Some people think it's just one big awakening and then you're set. No, because as life goes on, you're gonna have growth spurts, and you're gonna go through things that make you question it all. And I was still trying to figure it all out before my son passed, and then when he passed, and just all the comments, you know, that I experience and how people try to avoid pain at all costs, and they will bury it and they will put on that smile. We know more now not to do that, but at the time it was very, very hard. I'm like, what is going on? I don't want anything to do with this spiritual stuff. This is horrible. That's how I seen it. And I promise myself that I will work through mine so I can help people have an easier time with theirs when they came to me. So like me, for some people awakening begins after loss. My second awakening was after loss. For others it begins after burnout, trauma, illness, heartbreak, emotional exhaustion, or deep feeling, or a deep feeling that something in life no longer fits. Like my first one was just forced upon me because I was being called to do this work. I didn't even have a say in it, nothing was going on at the time. My son was alive, you know, I was struggling in this school, but that was it. So sometimes the awakening begins quietly, and sometimes it completely changes the direction of your life. Today I want to talk about what spiritual awakening really is, what people often misunderstand about it, how the nervous system can be affected during the awakening, and how to stay grounded while moving through spiritual growth because it's easy to become ungrounded. It is been there, and if you've been feeling emotionally different lately, more sensitive, more aware, more disconnected from old patterns, please know that you are not alone. So let's get into this.

What Spiritual Awakening Really Means

SPEAKER_00 4:03

Let's talk about what is a spiritual awakening. What is it? A spiritual awakening is often described as a shift in consciousness. It means you begin seeing yourself, your life, your emotions, your relationships, and the world differently than you did before. Things that once felt normal may suddenly feel misaligned. You may start questioning, why am I living this way? Why do I keep abandoning myself? Why am I around certain people I shouldn't be around? Why do certain relationships drain me? Why do I feel emotionally exhausted all the time? Why do I feel disconnected from who I really am? You can kind of look at the world like, why am I here? What am I doing here? What's the point of all this? This is awful. You know, you can feel really bad. Some people get depressed during these things. So if you find yourself getting depressed, seek help before you sink into that depression because it can happen. And during an awakening, many people begin waking up to patterns that they cannot fully see before. People pleasing, overgiving, emotional suppression, ignoring intuition, living from fear, and getting in your own way, seeking validation from others, and staying in survival mode. And sometimes awakening is not about becoming someone new. Sometimes awakening is about remembering who you were underneath conditioning, trauma, fear, and emotional protection. Awakening often removes emotional numbness, which means people begin feeling things more deeply. And while that can eventually lead to healing, at first it can feel overwhelming. Now, I want to make a note a lot of times when people have a spiritual awakening, they just feel like they're gonna jump into the spiritual world and they're gonna be psychic and evolved and all knowing. I still hear this stuff, and you will become more aware of your gifts, but don't feel pressure to just jump right in. It's it's not a good idea. I recommend moving slowly with it, even though it feels overwhelming. Some people do extreme things, they immediately leave a relationship or they immediately cut everyone off, and they just feel so much happening, and of course, a lot of people around you won't understand what you're going through, so it makes you kind of want to isolate. But this is what I would say move slow with it. You don't have to just change your life overnight. Sit with it, journal, get some energy work, find out a plan. Because the way that thing it could come at you, and the way it came at me, it was too much. And sometimes it's just too much for the nervous system, and you can feel very dysregulated during this time. People are thinking enlightenment, all everything makes sense now. Maybe not at first, so give it time.

Why Awakening Can Feel Uncomfortable

SPEAKER_00 7:28

So let's talk about how spiritual awakening is not always peaceful. No, it isn't. Um one of the biggest misconceptions about spiritual awakening, about having one, is that it always feels peaceful, blissful, or magical. No, it can be very triggering. Sometimes the awakening feels very uncomfortable, very. It can cause an ending of relationships, especially if you're going through this and your partner's looking at you like what's wrong with you, and you guys start disagreeing. Although sometimes there's problems before, and the awakening just speeds everything up. The ending of emotional patterns, the ending of coping mechanisms, the ending of pretending, and when old structures begin falling away, people can temporarily feel lost. Yes, you can feel like why is this happening? This is awful. You may feel emotionally sensitive, right, and triggered easily, disconnected from certain people, exhausted, overstimulated, deeply introspective, uncertain about your direction in life, and drawn towards solitude and emotionally raw. And when I think about it, I might be going through a third spiritual awakening because I've done a lot of solitude lately, some socializing, but a lot of solitude once I moved to Sacramento. I did have a shift, so I guess I did have a third spiritual awakening. I'm gonna do a podcast talking about all three of my spiritual awakenings so you guys can know what it's like. Um some people experience intense grief during awakenings. Not only the grief from losing someone, although sometimes after you lose one, you can trigger a spiritual awakening, but the grief for the parts of themselves they abandon in order to survive, and we all have done it because we're humans and we're just trying to survive. And this is important. Spiritual awakenings is not proof that something is wrong with you. No, it's often a sign that your inner world is asking for honesty. Awakenings ask what is no longer aligned? What have you outgrown? What needs healing? What needs truth? Yes.

Nervous System Versus Spiritual “Signs”

SPEAKER_00 10:11

The nervous system and spiritual awakenings. Let's talk about it. This is something I believe is extremely important to understand. Not every intense emotional or energetic experience is purely spiritual. Sometimes the nervous system is overwhelmed. And many sensitive people confuse nervous system activation with spiritual information. Fear can sound intuitive when the body feels unsafe. Hypervigilance can feel psychic. Emotional overload can feel energetic. And this is why grounding matters so much. A regulated nervous system supports clearer perception. When the body feels unsafe, the mind often searches for danger. And during a spiritual awakening, old emotional material can begin surfacing. Past grief, childhood wounds, abandonment fears, suppressed emotions, unprocessed trauma. This is why awakening often includes emotional healing, not just spiritual insight. And I think this is where embodiment becomes so important. This is why it's important to have a regulated nervous system. We weren't doing all these things, you know, when I had my first spiritual awakening. We weren't. Because spirituality without grounding can sometimes lead people away from themselves instead of deeper into themselves. Healing is not about escaping the body, not at all. Healing is learning how to safely live inside your body because a lot of people are wanting to be out of their body, so too much pain and trauma. And during an awakening, many people need gentleness, not pressure, not perfection, not spiritual superiority. A lot of people think that's what it is, you know, but no, it's not to become superior. But safety, rest, support, boundaries, emotional honesty, and nervous system regulation. Now that we know this, we can take care of ourselves better.

Common Signs And Relationship Changes

SPEAKER_00 12:47

Let's talk about common signs of a spiritual awakening. Everyone experiences their spiritual awakening differently. But there are some common experiences many people report. You may notice a stronger intuition. Yeah. Increased sensitivity to environments or people. Feeling emotionally affected by energy around you. Wanting deeper meaning in life. Questioning old beliefs. Feeling disconnected from superficial conversations. Wanting more solitude. Yeah. Experiencing vivid dreams. Feeling drawn towards healing practices, yes. Feeling emotionally exhausted around chaos or conflict. Feeling more connected to nature. Becoming aware of unhealthy patterns. Feeling called towards authenticity. And sometimes an awakening includes periods of loneliness. It does. Because as you change internally, your relationships may also change, and they do. You may no longer feel aligned with dynamics that require self-abandonment. And while this can feel painful, it can also create space for healthier connection. Awakening is not about becoming better than others. No. It's about becoming more honest with yourself. And some people I remember that when you know when I first started getting into spirituality, being called a lot of people did walk around like they were better, smarter, more enlightened. But they're just having the trauma response because they're trying to feel good about themselves after all the bad things that they probably went through growing up. I remember feeling like a hot mess. I didn't feel better than anybody. You know, and so it is about becoming more honest with yourself.

Grief As A Doorway To Awakening

SPEAKER_00 15:09

So let's talk about spiritual awakenings and grief. For many people, grief becomes a doorway into awakening. Loss changes people. Grief strips away illusions. It does. It wakes you up in a way that whoa. And I've had many losses, but losing my son, that really shook me up in the world. Um, it changes priorities, it changes perspective, it changes identity. After deep loss, many people begin asking bigger questions. Why are we here? What truly matters? You know, you're no longer just floating in a rope like whatever, let me just get through this thing. What happens after death? How do I continue living after loss? That's why I love being a grief coach to help people. And sometimes grief opens emotionally and physical and spiritual death that was previously hidden beneath survival. It just everything comes up to the surface. But I also want to say this clearly being spiritually aware does not remove human pain. I'm gonna say it again. Being spiritually aware does not remove human pain. People are hoping that it does. They're hoping that they'd be unbothered. I hate that word. Um they're they're hoping to not feel pain that it automatically goes away. And I remember that's how it used to be in a spiritual community, and people were just so out of their bodies and they were frustrated and angry and trying to put on a smile and say love and light. It was a really weird time. It weirded me out and it almost made me walk away from spirituality because I'm like, something isn't right here. You know, and I just couldn't get to the answer because everybody was seeking how to not feel pain, but they were going about it in a way that was not good. I've seen that a lot in a spiritual community many years ago. We're in a better place now, thank goodness. You can be deeply spiritual and still struggle emotionally. Don't feel bad if you do. You can be intuitive and still feel grief. Yes. I did, and people were actually shocked, and they're like, Well, you're meeting him. I said that don't mean shit. I lost my kid. You can be healing and still have hard days. Awakening is not the absence of pain, it's learning how to move through life with greater experiences, compassion, and truth. That's what it's about.

Grounding Without Rushing Your Healing

SPEAKER_00 17:53

How to stay grounded during an awakening. If you're moving through a spiritual awakening right now, grounding practices can be incredibly supportive. Simple things matter. Breathing deeply, resting, walking outside, touching the earth, moving your body gently, setting boundaries, reducing overstimulation, spending time away from constant noise and social media. Now the world is more noisy, right? Because we have so much social media, and some of it's very interesting. And if you work online, you have to be on social media. I am on it whether I want to or not. I want to connect more to people with that. That's why I create groups, you know, with and with people, because you can't just go DMing people or whatever. But yeah, social media has changed it. And it's overstimulated us in ways that can affect our awakenings. And journaling your emotions is good. Allowing yourself to feel instead of constantly analyzing, just feel you don't have to analyze while you feel what you feel. And something else that matters deeply. You do not need to rush your healing. Awakening is not a race. There's no prize for collapsing your nervous system and trying to become more spiritual. Real healing often happens slowly, safely, gently, layer by layer. And sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is rest. It is. You know, rest is so underrated, but so necessary. We need more rest. You know, just to sit with ourselves. And I'm gonna close out this. But I decided what I'm gonna do is after I close this out, if you want to continue listening, it's gonna be about my spiritual awakenings and what I experience, and I want to share that because some people don't know what to feel and how messy it can get. And so I'm gonna close this out first. Thank you so much for spending this time with me today. Because this is a very important topic, it's something that I really realize it's important to discuss because people just think it's a woo-woo experience, and it's so much more than that. If today's episode resonated with you, I want you to remember this. You don't need to have everything figured out in order to be growing. You're allowed to evolve slowly, you're allowed to question old patterns, you are allowed to outgrow but no longer feels aligned, and you are allowed to heal while still being human. A spiritual awakening is not about perfection. Please don't look for perfection because this isn't where you're gonna find it. It is about becoming more connected to yourself with honesty, compassion, and awareness. And if you're in a season of awakening right now, be gentle with yourself. Your nervous system deserves support too. Thank you for being here, and I will see you in the next episode.

Awakening One During Chiropractic School

SPEAKER_00 21:28

So now I want to continue this for those of you who want to listen to what my spiritual awakenings are like, and I realize that a lot of people are looking for the big one, just the ultimate spiritual awakening, and that's it. They're set, they have changed, they have evolved, and they're just gonna continue to grow in that direction. Well, the first time I had one, it was when I transferred from chiropractor school in LA on up to the Bay Area, something just kept Tell me, you gotta transfer, you gotta go, you gotta go. And the universe is pushing me in that direction. And so I moved up there and you know, it was just kind of different. And it was a time in the Bay Area where spirituality was still big. Now it's more techie, it's different, it's expensive, so there's different focuses now in the Bay Area. But spirituality was being forced upon me. And some of my peers at school, they were they were claiming to be spiritual, but they were mean. And so I didn't want to be spiritual because I didn't want to be mean. I was still in my people pleasing, overgiving phase. So I wasn't seeing good examples at first. And of course it's nineteen ninety-nine when I transferred up there. July of nineteen ninety-nine. That was I went I started in that quarter because it was on a quarter system and we went year round. If you miss a quarter, you were behind. So you go year round, no breaks, unless you choose to take a break and be behind. So there's what really no computers. I started coming along, but not really there, not the information that we have now, and yeah, you know, so I had to go find sources, but I have my friend Corrine, not a real name, I'm protecting her, and so I'm not saying a real name, who kind of forced my gif onto me and spirituality onto me, and I used to bug the crap out of her, but she liked it, and we became good friends, and I would ask her a lot of questions because I didn't understand why this was happening. I went from I'm gonna be a scientist, you know, being a bio major, and even at one time I was gonna be doing neurobiology and psychobiology, and then I just moved into biology and had a good experience with chiropractic and became a chiropractor. I was in chiropractic school because it felt so good. I'm like, I need this in my life, and I want to do this for other people. So while I'm there, it's like, wait a minute, why is this happening? And why are are people out of nowhere coming to me for readings? What the hell is happening? I didn't even know how to give a reading or what to do, so I just had people ask me questions. And all this spirituality was being forced and making me question everything, and a lot of sadness was there because I had a lot of sadness in my life. My son was still alive, but I had a lot of trauma, especially after my mom died. Yeah, when my mom was alive, we're poor, we lived in motels, we struggled, but after she died, the abuse came and that was very hard. And a lot of things I buried, and then I got pregnant at thirteen and you know, trying to fight to keep cussy of him, and I became such a fighter and very angry with the system, and so I was processing a lot and then trying to stay in school and make sure I passed those classes because it was expensive even at the time to go to school and I couldn't fail because I had no other future. If I wasn't in school I was just gonna end up struggling or being on welfare and you know I felt humiliated by the public ha you know, being on welfare and having food stamps. So I'm going through all this and it's uncomfortable and I'm questioning everything and everybody and plus I can read them and it's just awkward. So it wasn't clear. My first spiritual experience was not clear at all. So this is around 1999, and I was very confused and you know, I didn't know how to look for books or look for information. I didn't know about Hay House or any of those things yet. I've wa I was watching a little bit of Oprah here and there and trying to find stuff, but I was alone. I was alone with my thoughts a lot, and it just made me depressed, so I buried it. I buried what was happening. I did the readings because I is cool. I get twenty bucks for each reading. That was cool back then, and that really helped me take care of my son and keep the lights on and food along with other things so and gas money. So I varied a lot of it and I just felt very ungrounded, very stuck, and I started having like adrenal problems and weight gained and I wasn't even overeating and y you know, but I was trying to be normal. That was the goal. I wanted to be normal. I didn't want this happening to me. But then it kept on forcing itself out. And so as time went on I would find a little bit of information in school and it would help me to understand what was happening and I started to like it. And then I remember telling another friend, I said, You know what? I'm in school, but I'm never gonna practice as a chiropractor. That's sad to me because I love chiropractic. I go to chiropractor every week. I keep myself mobile and pain free. I'm fifty-five, I take care of my mobility. And I just knew that I wasn't going to practice chiropractic. But then because I transferred I graduated in December of two thousand one. So I graduate and I'm like, now what? And I d I started doing like naturopathy because it allowed for the spirituality and the woo-woo and I had a lot of fun, but I would meet all sorts of spiritual people and we were just a mess. We were ungrounded in weird acting, but I look back and it's like we all had so much pain and trauma and probably didn't find relief in therapy at the time, or you know, they just probably discounted traditional religion. You know, when you go through something bad, you just don't know who to trust. And we were just struggling. It's like I don't want to be like this. But I was. I was in it, but I didn't want to be there. And so I had a mini miniature awakening happen

Dog Bite Turning Point And Going Pro

SPEAKER_00 27:58

next. It's 2004, and I got bit on the face by a family dog because we rescued troubled dogs. We you know, we just love animals. I grew up with a mom who's an animal lover, and so this dog bit me and I'm on the table waiting in the emergency room to get stitches like the left corner of my face has been off. It's it's grown a lot in all those years of tissue and the healing. And when you have facial stuff, it makes you emotional. I don't know if you notice when you go to the dentist, you become very emotional after dental work that can happen because you know facial stuff can do that. So I'm on the table, and the surgeon comes in, and I'm just telling him all this crazy spiritual stuff, and I'm just like reading him, and he's just probably thinking, Darn, she's going through some trauma or something, and he gave me some morphine, I guess to shut me up. And you know, because I wasn't feeling pain, but the way that I looked, I should feel pain. So then I go home and I can't go to my office, so guess what? I start working on the platform. I start doing the readings and working on the platform, and it just takes off from day one. I mean, it just grew and grew. And there wasn't a lot of advisors back then like there is now, but there was quite a few. There were still 30 pages of advisors and it took off, but then I had to deal with other spiritual stuff. I had to see how some spiritual advisors are bullies and how they're mean to each other, and and you know, we had this forum and they were mean to me, or yeah, you know, it was just really a weird time, and I wasn't liking spirituality still because I realized a lot of people were misusing it. They just wanted to be spiritual and all-knowing and you know, better than everyone, and so there was that arrogance because it's a trauma response in their case. They felt bad, they grew up probably in a home where they were not loved or felt good, so now it's like I'm high and mighty, I'm spiritual, I'm close to God, I don't need to heal, and there was a lot of that, and I'm just like, no. And you know, so I looked for therapy and I did energy work and went to spiritual healers. I did everything to just really help myself and I really dove in deep so I can cope. And so a lot of my emotions were after that entry and being forced to do this work, I was in it. Like it or not, and almost felt like, oh my goodness, does this happen because I didn't listen when I was in chiropractic school and immediately go to doing the spiritual work? Because there was like three years that I was doing, you know, natropathy and some readings and I was doing life insurance exams for extra money because I had done that since I was 17. When people signed up for life insurance, I go to their homes, I did their exams because I was a medical assistant at first. When I turned 16, I was one because that was gonna be my big career for me and my son, you know, to be able to take care of him. And I was just exhausted a lot. I was trying to smell and understand it, but I was so exhausted. And so then that continued my journey.

After Her Son’s Death And Bypassing

SPEAKER_00 31:22

Then 2008 comes and my son passes. And the way that people responded to me, it's like, okay, non-spiritual people just didn't know what to say. Or they say stuff like, I pray over my kids. I think everybody does. If you're a parent, you know how scary it is being a parent, and when they're little you just want to keep them alive, and when they get older you still want to keep them alive, and you worry and you panic, and you know, you wonder is the world gonna be good to them, and y you know, you do. I you know, it's weird when I was growing up, it just you know, growing up in the seventies, there was things that happened, but it didn't seem as overwhelming as it does now. And so when I lost my son, you know, and a group of people who just didn't know what to say and they would say weird stuff because of their own fear, and then you have the spiritual people saying, Well, you're spiritual, it shouldn't bother you. I said, You really think I shouldn't feel anything for a child that I brought into the world and I loved and motivated me to become me? And and that was pretty scary. And so I was having this awakening of seeing what that bypassing was still there, that people were moving to spirituality, trying not to feel, trying to be unbothered, trying to avoid their pain, and they didn't like that I decided to live my pain out raw. But it was interesting because some didn't like it, but at the same time, my business triveled because other people said, you know, I know that you understand pain on a deep level because I'm witnessing it. Even no matter what you went through before, I see this, and I just feel like you're more relatable and you're gonna be patient and non-judgmental and understanding. So my business grew, which made some people in the spiritual community who worked on the platform not like me and wanted me to quit and take a break and stuff. And I said, No, I'm not supposed to. I'm supposed to push through. And so I just wore my healing out in public and talked about it on radio shows and you know, back then it was not podcasts, it was more like you do um blog talk radio and y you know, stuff like that. And I even had a show called The Mixed Talk for a while, on the mixed talk for a while, and I just talked about everything, just being vulnerable and transparent and you know, and some people struggle with that because a lot of people are hoping that if they're spiritual they won't feel bad anymore, they just feel enlightened and they will understand the world and the world will make sense and I said no, it it's making peace with what is. That's how I see a spiritual awakening is you know, change what you need to change and make peace with what is or what has happened and move forward accordingly and decide what type of life you want to co-create from here. So, you know, I didn't have like when my son passed with that awakening, it wasn't like I could really sit and grief. I spent more time questioning people and isolating and being angry and you know, people had to watch their words because they were gonna get get told off, they're gonna get cussed the fuck out. And I was that angry because I thought people really think I shouldn't feel anything. And I realized how much projection was coming my way, and so it made me isolate. I didn't party the same, I didn't date. I I used to go to every social thing. I became a big time extrovert and I just went to less and less stuff for a while. I didn't want to be around people. I was like, I don't think I like people. You know, so I went through that and I went through crushing what's the point of life and even wondering if I wanted to live. So I'd be honest, I didn't know if I wanted to live anymore because the world just sucked without my son, and it sucked how the world was showing me and revealing itself after my son passed. And I said, I don't want to be around people who don't want to feel and don't want to feel their emotions and be genuine and authentic and they just want want to bury, you know, but I didn't want that, and that's what I was seeing. And and even some people cut me off all of a sudden because now we're we've got Facebook and I'm venting on Facebook sometimes and I didn't get invited to some of the parties. And that became fine. And then I just kinda had different friends and different connections and I needed my spiritual coach and I went to my best um technique ch um, you know, for support and got those healings and that really made a difference. And I like that the person who was my best practitioner, um, she since passed, but she was she was diagnosed with cancer and she's very open and it's all over her website, everything. She, you know, and that was her spiritual experience, and she would always say, Thank you, cancer, because of how it opened up her world. And so she was diagnosed at the same time that my son got his brain tumor and died. And you know, just being around her and her showing so much compassion and empathy towards me made me go to my best treatments all the time, and that really helped because it was like here's a window of someone who's going through t something tough and getting it. And so the way that people flocked to me when my son died, I flocked to her because she had cancer and it was um like stage three, non-Hoshkins, you know, the deadly one, and you know, she eventually went into r remission for fifteen years and then s you know, she passed and that was just sad because she was only like forty-five when she passed, and such a beautiful soul, but she helped me to survive. And at one point though, I did say I gotta get out of LA and I moved to Austin and you know, I really started to isolate. I try to be social, but I really started to isolate. And then something said, you know what, you gotta go back to California. But I went up to the Bay Area and you know, so that was like you know, it was okay being in the Bay Area. It wasn't the same like when I was in school, and school was so cool and I went to explore, but by now the tech explosion took over and the energy was different, and eventually I moved to Sacramento. So that was that awakening, you know, it continued from like 2008 to like 2011. Uh, just a lot was happening. That was a long one because of my son losing my son, and you know, I eventually wrote a book about it, and it was a mess writing that book, and I had to have it edited so many times because I couldn't get my thoughts together, and you you know, it was it was tough. But then I continued on with life, and I didn't like how it was going in the Bay Area, and I didn't like some of the energies that I was coming across. I was just trying to be understanding towards people. I said, I'm not gonna judge people, I'm gonna be understanding and compassionate and pathetic, and it got me around a lot of the wrong energies, competitive people, narcissistic people, just not the best people. A lot of them I met through meetups, and yeah, I stayed friends with quite a few people that I've met throughout the years and these social groups that are part of meetup.com, but um I just said I stayed too

Sacramento Isolation And A New Season

SPEAKER_00 39:10

long. I stayed what eleven, twelve years in the Bay Area the second time around, and I said, Where am I gonna go? And I didn't know what was happening, but I was being pushed out of the Bay Area. My guys cut off a lot of friendships and let me just see what was going on here. And you know, it was just weird. They've really shut it all down to where if I stayed I would have been in hell. And it was weird. I was starting to feel lonely and I didn't know what that felt like. And at first I liked being alone because of course we had the pandemic in there and you know it gave me time to really study and so you know, you know, I stopped all the socializing course pandemic happens. So we're in the pandemic twenty to twenty to twenty twenty to twenty twenty two, somewhere around there, right? And so I started spending more time alone and my neighbors were just worried about me, because I knew a lot of these people for years. I had lived in that complex, you know, since twenty twelve, and they're just like, What's going on with you, you know? And I just said I just need to be alone. And I was something was brewing, and then I said, I gotta move. I know I gotta move. I I love this complex, I love the creek, the quarries, but it's time to move, and I was trying to figure out where to go. And I ruled out some places and I said, I gotta go to Sacramento because Sacramento to me was a new Bay Area. A lot of spiritual stuff was going on up here in Sacramento, and Sacramento kind of had that Bay Area vibe because a lot of people from the Bay Area moved up to Sacramento because it was cheaper. And so a lot of that energy came up here, and when I came up here, I said, I'm gonna be social, I'm gonna, you know, hire a team, I'm just gonna go big, I'm gonna do all these things. And I get here and all I could do is sleep. And so that was another spiritual awakening. That was a big one. And so all I could do is sleep. And people you know, like the builder, they're like, How are you doing? Because you know they're still selling homes in this community. I said, I all I could do is sleep and walk the dog. I wasn't even working that much at the time. Then I snapped out of that part and started working, but I really started getting into my work, and I just thought, how do I ever socialize? I am enjoying being alone and y you know, I would date some and it was weird because I would get asked out of here, and I don't know what energy I was getting out, because in Bay Area nobody really asked me out. I you know, but of here. I would get asked out often. And but something would just cut the dates off or stop them from happening. It was just really strange. And you know, I did date some, but a lot of times it was just cut off. And, you know, I would have some dating relationships, but nothing really stuck, and I said, Wow, I'm being forced to be alone, and I just started to like it, and I, you know, I had three days a week where I went out and did things or I go to a play or I travel with family a few times and I traveled a few times on my own, but I was really alone up here, and I didn't want to really talk to anybody, and you can't really explain it to people. They just see it as, oh, you don't want to talk to us somewhere now that you move. It's like I need to be alone right now, and it feels really good. I'm not bored, I'm not lonely, I'm not sad, and y you know, I even still t chat with the ex sometimes, and you you know, and I feel fulfilled enough. I don't feel like I have to do stuff every day. And so I've been in a big spiritual awakening since January 24, 2023, when my house closed and I moved up here. And I'm just now coming out of it where it's like, okay, I've become more social again. I will go do drives and have fun and in a different way and a more consistent basis, but I have been happy in the house. I have worked on my work, I've really got into the people pleasing, overgiving, and you know, talking about spiritual stuff and boundaries and and everything, and I've spent this time reflecting on my life and how I've lived it and what it means to me and and what is my legacy because now whatever I do it's for me and my son since he's no longer here. And I know I'm still around for quite some time on fifty five. I still know I've got plenty of years left, and a lot of it is really trying to be there in a capacity for other people to have an easier time because a a lot of crazy thoughts happen when you're going through spiritual awakening. It's like what's real and what's not, and this Awakening has been more like I just need to be away from people. I just need to focus on different things and really clear up, you know, whatever was left from trauma and childhood and I I just am doing a cleanup of whatever I think I've missed. You know, that's what this one is about, and you know, showing people how to deal with this stuff. I got into somatic healing even deeper, blending it with the psychic gift and intuition and energy work and you know, really just deep into it, deep into grief work, showing people there is life after loss. Um, so a lot of it, a lot of my spiritual awakenings is to make me do more of my inner work, but also how I'm going to serve others, and that can happen to you also no matter what capacity you're in. You could be an accountant, you could be, you know, in a room doing research, but you are still doing spiritual work. I I think the person at Starbucks is doing spiritual work when they smile, and you you know, that may be the only smile the person gets for the day, and that good coffee or tea or whatever. You know, wherever you are, whatever you're doing, you're contributing spiritually if you choose to. But spiritual awakenings isn't, oh, enlightenment, I get it, everything's great. They're not like that. A lot of times you're going inward, you're isolating. I mean, this is my longest isolation because other ones I was still socializing some, you know, or trying to go to events and getting out of the house. But this is I've not joined any meetups. I have a lot of friends that live up here. I haven't like hung out really. Where I live, we have a community center, like it's got a gym, and every month there's events and holiday events, and you know, I participate in Halloween and I try to give out the most candy. Yeah, you know, and the full-size bars and the most stuff. I want to be the popular house. I do that. Um when Santa Claus comes to our area because Santa Claus comes here, I do that. But I don't do all the social events because I don't feel a need to. I don't even turn on the TV as much. I I watch documentaries here and there, and I even stop watching 90 Day Fiance like I was watching it during the pandemic. I just kind of have sat back and sometimes I look and I go, How did I have time to go anywhere or do anything? Because look at what I'm creating now. So this awakening has been about creativity and blossoming into the work more. And so I've had, you know, awakenings where it was me taking care of me and focusing on me, and this I was focusing on me. It wasn't as painful, but some things were shocking. You know, because there are a few friendships that disappointed me. I didn't I had a friend who y you know, because I've always been like 20 pounds of weight, but I like where the weight is and sometimes I've been chubbier 'cause the hormone stuff. And I had a friend that came out that she thought that she was better than me because she's thinner than me. And she's like, at least I'm thinner than you. You know, you may have a collar six, y, and z, but at least I'm thinner. And you just look at people and you're like, Who are they? So I've done a lot of looking at people in my life, like, who are they? What are their intentions? Uh a bigger issue with two family members came out. Yeah, you know, so I just kind of look at people differently, like who are you? What are you about? And I have this different view of how I dress people and relationships, and I don't need a lot of close relationships. I believe that three to five is plenty. I don't need girls' trips anymore. I used to do some of that. I don't need a lot of things that I used to think I should do, so I'd be the extrovert. And now I'm more of an introvert. I can be extroverted when I want to, but I really sit in my energy, and I notice that sometimes when I'm out in public and I do some of the regular things, like when I go to the chiropractor, she goes, You always seem so calm, and it's like 'cause I'm doing all this somatic work and stuff. So I come across differently to people for sure now. Like they just feel like I'm more at peace. And I am, I don't have like crazy, frustrating thoughts like I used to have. I'm not really disappointing people, it's like they're doing their thing, I'm doing mine. So spiritual awakenings isn't just about enlightenment and the clouds part and you know the light of God comes and gives you all the answers to life. It's not like that. It gets you questioning everything, who you are and who you want to be. And I realize that's what I want to

How She Serves And How To Reach Her

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help people with. So I help people with three things grief. Um how to become a more regulated psychic if you're doing that, but also just people who want to have support on their spiritual awakening. So those are the things that I focus on. But I've rambled quite a bit. Always feel free to ask questions or if you want me to go into more detail on my awakenings, these are just like the light parts trying to give you somewhat of a understanding. Um feel free. Definitely feel free to, you know, email me. You can message me through this podcast, if you see me on social media, and say to you, will you go into more detail? And I gladly will, because it's something that I want to share more. So I want to thank you for listening to this long winded part of the podcast. And have a great day, and I will see you in the next episode.